Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize