I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
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adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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