This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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