I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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