How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
