so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
