His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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