just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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