I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
