What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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