I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
