i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Drunk is a universal language darling
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
