its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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