so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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