Yo dont text me then not text me
It was confusing and full of hummus
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
sarcasm needs its own font
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
