dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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