I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
