I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
