Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
