it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize