Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
