Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
