Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
