3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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