Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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