Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
