He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
