i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
