I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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