Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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