its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
