ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
