So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
