How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
