First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
