Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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