I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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