fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
