nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
