I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
