Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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