Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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