she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
