I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
