This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
