I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
