this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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