It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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