dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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