I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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