I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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