you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
