see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
