they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
