Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
