I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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