so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
